Beautiful Disaster
by Maggsie
Summary: When JJ's insecurities arise, can Emily help her get past them and move on? JJ/Emily. Don't like, don't read!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Criminal Minds, if I did Will would be killed off...

This is very different from what I usually write, but it's very personal to me so I had to write it. A huge thank you to **DarkBard0** for being bossy and ordering me to write this afternoon. :D

On we go!

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"Where have you been?"

JJ demanded as soon as Emily had walked through the front door. She'd had enough of the lies, she'd been there with Will; she wasn't going to do the same thing with Emily. Will had cheated on her after a year of marriage, a colleague that he worked with and JJ had only found out when she had come home from a case early. What had made it worse was that Henry had been in the house while he was having sex with her in their marital bed.

After she had chucked Will out, herself and Emily had got closer. They had been best friends when JJ was married, but the divorce had changed their connection. It had gone to friends to lovers six months after she had left Will, and things had developed. They were now living together and Emily treated Henry like he was her own. She couldn't have asked for anything more in a partner. They were happy or so JJ thought they were but she wasn't going to be a door mat anymore.

The brunette wasn't quite sure what was going on, she'd never seen the younger woman this angry before. She was pacing back and forth across the living room as Emily stayed by the front door.

"What do you mean, where have I been? I had errands to run, you know that."

Emily stepped towards JJ, reaching an arm out to stop her from pacing, but she jerked her arm away from the contact, and Emily frowned. She had never seen the blonde like this, apart from the night she had found Will with someone else and she had kicked him out.

"Baby, what's going on?"

"Don't lie to me Em, don't you dare lie to me!"

JJ shouted as she turned to face her and Emily could see the tears streaming down her face. She didn't have the faintest idea what was going on, but she hated seeing JJ upset and all she wanted to do was hold her and tell her everything was okay, and that nothing was wrong.

"Jayj, you need to calm down. Can we please sit down and talk about whatever it is that's bothering you?"

Emily went to sit on the couch as she waited for JJ to follow her, but she stayed stood up, carrying on the pacing. The brunette sighed, and ran a hand through her hair, trying to figure out in her head what she had done wrong, but she couldn't think of anything. All she had done was go and run some errands, and she had told JJ that before she had left. How things could change in a couple of hours.

"I don't want to fucking sit down."

JJ snarled, and Emily frowned at her girlfriends' tone. She had never spoken to her like that before. When they had arguments, there would be a bit of shouting, followed then by talking it through after one of them had realised how stupid they had been. They were both passionate people, so arguments were regular, but it kept up the intensity between them, which they both loved.

"Okay, that's okay. Can you just please tell me what's going on, so I can try and understand why you're so angry and upset."

JJ let out a heavy sigh and turned to face her girlfriend. She nearly backed down when she saw the confused look on the brunette's face but she had to see it through. She could feel the anger running through her veins, almost making her shake, and she was desperately hard trying not to cry, as she couldn't believe it was happening again.

"You've been disappearing unexpectedly for weeks. Not telling me where you're going, and then last night I found out that you had the day off a couple of days ago but didn't tell me. And I had to find that out through Hotch, when he asked me if you'd enjoyed the vacation. But here you are lying through your teeth. I bet you didn't have any errands to run today as we did them both together at the weekend. So what is it, Emily? Off fucking some slut I expect, what am I not enough for you? Do I not satisfy you enough, that you have to look elsewhere? I thought you were different!"

JJ couldn't help letting the tears fall, Emily was the love of her life. Her heart felt like it had been pulled out and stamped on over and over again. She thought she was different, after their first date Emily had treated her like a princess and that had never changed. JJ thought they were a family.

"Can you keep your voice down; you're going to wake Henry."

Emily asked as she looked down the hall to Henry's room. He had just turned 2 ½ and everyone said that he had so many characteristics of Emily in him, even if he did look like JJ. The brunette had never thought she would have kids, but now she couldn't think of it being any other way. She completely adored him, and it was returned.

"He's not here, he's with Garcia. Now can you answer my fucking question?!"

The brunette looked up at her girlfriend, and let out a huge sigh, not liking where this argument was going. She wasn't sure if she could see a light at the end of it, and that scared her. With a tear in her eye, she met blue eyes.

"You think I've been cheating on you?"

Emily asked shakily, as she wiped away the tear that had fallen down her cheek. JJ was still crying, but she also looked so angry. The brunette wasn't sure she would ever be able to get that look out of her head.

"What are you deaf as well as unfaithful?"

JJ replied bitterly. Emily couldn't believe she was hearing this, she had never been unfaithful in her life, and she certainly wasn't going to start now. JJ was her world, and she wouldn't do anything to mess that up. She knew about Will, she had helped the blonde through it; she had seen how much it had broken her. Emily wouldn't wish that on her worst enemy, which is why it was so unreal that JJ was accusing her of the same thing that dick had done.

"I can't believe you'd ever think I'd cheat on you. Do I not make it clear enough about how much I love you? You _and_ Henry. God JJ, you have no idea. I would do anything for you."

And she would. She would jump in front of a gun for either of them; she'd give her life so that they were safe. Emily had told her mother about them from the start, knowing she wouldn't approve. But JJ and Henry were everything to her, and she thought she showed JJ that every day, obviously she was wrong.

"Then where the hell have you been going? You lied to me Em! There have been messages left on our house phone from strange women! What the hell am I supposed to think?"

A low chuckle came from Emily's throat, as she drew her back. She was upset at being accused but now she was also pissed off.

"You're supposed to trust me for fucks sake! How stupid do you think I am? If I was cheating do you honestly think I'd then let them phone the house phone where you could find out?"

Emily saw JJ's face soften, but the adrenaline was now pumping through her veins. Didn't JJ have any trust in her at all? Did she really think she was that type of person? The same sort of person as Will? The more she thought about it, the more she was disgusted with the idea that JJ could think that of her. It made her feel physically sick.

"Then what were the messages?"

"Appointments."

Emily mumbled just loud enough that JJ could hear her. The blonde started pacing again as the tears started to flow freely from both of them. Emily put her elbows on her knees and rested her head in her hands, softly shaking her head. She couldn't believe this was happening.

"What sort of appointments?"

JJ asked, quirking an eyebrow and crossing her arms across her stomach, stopping the pacing again, as Emily looked up again.

"I've been planning things, okay? Remember it's your birthday in a couple of days; I was trying to make some plans for it. Do something special. Obviously it looks like that's ruined now. I can't believe this."

Emily dropped her head in her hands again as JJ looked down at her, in shock. Everything was starting to make sense, why she had immediately jumped to the worst scenario. Emily was different, and now there was a possibility she had ruined everything. It broke her heart to see her girlfriend so devastated. She couldn't believe she had ever thought it, she knew she was nothing like Will and that Emily loved her. It made her stomach flip, knowing she could have destroyed everything between them and their family with it.

"Baby, I'm sorry. But you have to think of things from my point of view. Will cheated on me. He left me very insecure, but you helped to rebuild that. But those paranoid feelings have never gone away, I suppose."

JJ explained, as she took a seat next to the brunette on the couch.

"You should know I'm different. You should trust me! I would never do anything like that to you, I saw what he did to you, and I hated seeing you like that. "

Emily explained as she turned her head to look at JJ who had leaned back with her head on the back of the couch. There was a moment of silence before the blonde finally spoke up again, as she whispered quietly.

"I do trust you."

"No you don't. If you did, you wouldn't accuse me of such ridiculous things. Do you know what it feels like to be thought of as a cheater? You've put me in the same bracket as Will. I mean, come

on!"

"I know, I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. I know you would never do that."

JJ spoke quietly, as she turned to her girlfriend, tears streaming down both of their eyes. She couldn't believe she had ever doubted the brunette. Emily turned to look at her too, and sighed gently as a few minutes of silence fell between them, only the quiet sniffles from both of them could be heard.

"You know what, I'm done. I can't be with someone that doesn't trust me."

Emily said suddenly, shocking herself by what had come out from her mouth. It's what she had been thinking, and now it had been said out loud. The blonde's head snapped to look at Emily.

"What?"

JJ asked in disbelief, not believing what she was hearing. Emily was it for her, all she could see when she thought of the brunette, was a future between them. Marriage and maybe a couple more kids.

"I can't be with you. I'm sorry."

Emily stated more confidently, wiping away her tears as she looked away from JJ, not wanting to see the look on her face. The look she had put there.

"Em, I know you don't mean that."

JJ reached out and grabbed hold of the brunette's hand, her thumb caressing the top of it, and she sighed with relief when Emily didn't pull back. The profiler could feel the tears stinging her eyes.

"We've been together 18 months, you're my life."

"Yeah, and you're mine but I have to, I'm sorry. You don't trust me; we can't have a relationship if there is no trust there. It's the foundation of every relationship. I love you but I can't stay here, I'm sorry."

Emily pulled her hand out of JJ's and headed towards the bedroom, to pack up a few things. JJ didn't stop the sob that rose up her throat as she slid of the couch and on to the floor. She bent her knees up, as the sobs shook through her. She put her face in her arms, not wanting to watch Emily leaving.

A few minutes later she heard Emily enter the family room, and she tried to choke back the tears.

"I'm sorry JJ, I really am. I'll be round Morgan's. Give Henry a kiss for me. I love you."

Emily whispered, and JJ covered her ears with her hands as Emily walked out of their house, maybe out of her life, for good.

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**So if you want to know if it ends well or not, you're going to have to review, aren't you? :D So please review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **Still don't own them...

Thanks for all your wonderful reviews, and a big thank you to **DarkBard0 **for kicking my ass and making me write! :D

Conclusion This Way...

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Emily walked in the front door, to the place she considered home. Well, home as of three weeks ago. The brunette hadn't seen JJ since she had walked out, after the liaison had accused her of cheating. She hadn't seen her at work, as the blonde had taken some vacation time straight after. Hotch had approved it, seeing as she had a lot built up. Garcia had let Emily know that JJ was okay, and she greatly appreciated being told.

She may have walked out on the blonde, but she still loved her and always would. Emily had been worried about her, but she had been told that she was due back to work the following week. She knew that they wouldn't let their break up affect the team, but it was going to be hard to just be professional with JJ.

Emily missed the blonde, but she also hated being away from Henry. She was used to either seeing him, or talking to him on the phone every single day. But she hadn't done either since she had left. The brunette hoped that the bond she shared with him wouldn't change now that she and JJ had broken up; she just knew she'd have to put the effort in to make sure it didn't change.

As she entered the house, the memories hit her. All the moments they had together as a family; Henry's birthdays, Christmases, and the little moments, like the quick kisses they shared or the nights they spent up on the sofa after a hard day at work. She couldn't believe that had all disappeared on that one moment.

Emily didn't know quite where that had come from. Things were going great between them, she had even been close to proposing to the blonde. The profiler knew that Will was to blame for JJ's insecurities, but she didn't think she'd ever given the liaison any reason to doubt her. No reason to make her think she would be unfaithful. She had seen what it had done to the blonde, and there was no way she'd ever inflict that kind of pain on her, it was too unbearable to think about.

Snapping out of her thoughts, she took in the scene in front of her. It was silent; there was no one in the house. Walking through, every room was spotless. But Emily knew JJ liked to clean when she was stressed or upset about something. As silly as it might have sounded, it smelled like home, it felt like home, it was home.

Not looking at all the family pictures that were littered around everywhere of the three of them, she headed straight for what used to be her and JJ's bedroom. She was glad that no one was home; Emily didn't think she could deal with the emotion of a confrontation right then. The brunette wasn't a person who would easily cry, but this had broken her, more than she liked to admit.

Placing the holdall she had with her on the bed, she turned round to the wardrobe and opened it, starting to pull out her clothes quickly. She didn't want to take lots of time doing it, all it would do is make her more upset, and she didn't think she had any tears left to cry. Not bothering to fold, she stuffed her clothes into her bag, trying to free her mind of memories. Like the endless amount of times that she and JJ had made love all night in this very room. Or wrapped up around each other as they stirred from sleep.

Swallowing back the tears that were threatening to fall, she carried on packing her bag, not stopping to think for a second. But a few minutes later, as she finished the packing, and zipped her bag and slinging it over her shoulder, she let the tears fall as she turned round and looked at the bed. Two photos on the bedside table caught her attention. One of her and JJ, lost in a kiss that Garcia had taken, the other of the three of them sitting on the couch, as the blonde and brunette ticked their son. _Their son. _

Not taking her eyes of the photo, she walked forward and picked it up. Emily caressed her thumb over it, just staring at it for a few moments, before gulping back the sob and reaching back and putting it in to her hold all.

Not wanting to dwell on the moment, she let the tears stream down her face as she left the bedroom, and unhooked her front door key from her key chain and placing it on the kitchen counter. Just as she was about to head off, she heard the front door open. Emily quickly tried to wipe away her tears, as she walked out of the kitchen and came face to face with JJ.

The brunette saw the sadness in the liaison's eyes, as she stared back at her, neither of them saying anything, neither of them knowing what to say.

"Mommy!"

Emily was startled, as she saw Henry run towards her, and just in time opened her arms as he jumped into them. Picking him up, she placed a kiss on his forehead as he wrapped his arms around her neck. She hadn't realised just how much she had missed him. Emily didn't dare to look at JJ as Henry put his hands on either side of her face and gave her a gentle kiss on her lips. The brunette couldn't help but smile at the little boy in her arms.

"Why you crying Mommy?"

Henry asked, and Emily kissed him on the cheek.

"I'm just happy to see you buddy."

The brunette said gently; as Henry smiled at her before she put him back down on the floor and then kneeling down to meet his eye level.

"Why don't you go and play in your room, kiddo? Me and Mom need to talk."

Henry stared at her intently, as she placed her hands on his arms, stroking up and down.

"Are you coming home?"

The little boy asked gently, and Emily felt her dam almost break again. She looked up to meet JJ's eyes but she had turned away so she looked back at her son. His bright blue eyes that matched JJ's, were sad and confused.

"I don't think so, no."

The profiler could see the tears starting to fall down his chubby cheeks, and she hated that she had done that. His thumb went to his mouth and when Emily tried to reach out for him, he turned away and ran down the hall to his room. As she was about to go after him, JJ held out her hand telling her to leave it for a while. Emily thought about it and then nodded gently.

Getting back to her feet, she locked eyes with JJ. She always used to wonder how someone like the blonde would be with someone like her. But JJ had squashed those insecurities, and she thought she had done the same for the liaison. Obviously she was wrong. A silence stretched between them for a couple of minutes, before Emily was the first to break it.

"I should probably get going."

Emily explained, as she gestured to the door, making sure her bag was securely placed on her shoulder. JJ shook her head slowly, before hanging her head.

"Can you stay? I think we need to talk."

The brunette took in JJ's nervous posture as the blonde looked up again. Emily could see the tears glistening in JJ's eyes. This is what she was hoping she wouldn't have to deal with, because if she ever saw an upset JJ, she instantly wanted to make things right between them again. And Emily wasn't sure if she could do it, not over something like this. Taking a deep breath, she plopped her bag down on the floor by where she stood.

"I'll stay to talk."

Emily stated firmly, before heading to the family room, with JJ following closely behind her. They both took a seat on the couch, opposite ends to each other, neither of them knowing what to say. All that JJ knew, was she had to make things okay between them again. She missed the brunette like crazy; a part of her was missing when Emily wasn't around. JJ just couldn't believe how stupid she had been.

"I miss you."

JJ whispered, and Emily turned her head to look at the blonde, who was staring at something ahead. Emily leant forward, resting her head in her hands, caressing her temple with her thumb, trying to get the headache that was starting to form to go away. She could feel blue eyes burning into her, and when she looked their eyes met and Emily could feel herself falling in love with the blonde all over again.

"I miss you too."

The profiler said sincerely, and it was the truth. JJ reached over, and took Emily's hand in hers. She squeezed gently, before Emily pulled her hand back. JJ had hurt her when she thought that she was the type of person who would cheat on her. The brunette thought that JJ trusted her, and it made her heart ache knowing that she didn't.

"Emily, I know the only way I might get you back is to tell you why I thought you'd ever cheat on me. Because I want you back, I need you back. You make me who I am, and I don't think I can live without you. These last two weeks have been hell for me, I just....you deserve to know."

The blonde choked out. Emily hated to see her struggling with her words when usually she was so composed. Even in front of journalists that were like vultures, she stayed stoic, never showing any undue emotion. It's why it was so difficult to see like this; tears now streaming down her face. The brunette inched closer to JJ, and rubbed her hand up and down the blonde's arm. JJ turned to look at where Emily's hand was before meeting her eyes again.

"JJ, I'm here. You can tell me anything, you know that."

The blonde nodded slowly, before taking a deep breath, trying to regain her composure again. Letting the breath out, she saw the love in Emily's eyes and knew this was it. She was either going to get Emily back or she was going to lose her forever.

"Okay...here goes...when Will left me, it left me devastated. I loved him, and none of that mattered to him. His vows didn't seem to mean anything to him. He didn't just cheat on me though, he cheated on our family."

"JJ, I...."

"Please, let me finish."

The blonde said softly, and Emily nodded, pulling her hand away from JJ's arm and going back to where she was sat before, listening intently to what JJ was saying.

"I love you, and I don't want you to ever doubt that. But there is always something in the back of my mind, where I'm just waiting for you to leave me. Will did it so why wouldn't you?"

"Because I'm not that person, I love you damnit!"

Emily said angrily, and JJ's head snapped up to look at her, startled by the brunette's tone. She sounded angry and she had every right to be. She would have been too if the roles were reversed. But she needed Emily to see that it wasn't about trust or love.

"I know...I just get scared. Everything was going perfect, and then you were being secretive and the paranoia took over....and I just couldn't stop it, however much I wanted to. I know you would never cheat on me, I do."

The brunette got off the couch, kneeling down on the floor in front of JJ. Reaching up, she wiped the blonde's tears away with the pads of her thumbs and putting some loose blonde hair behind her ear. Surprising JJ, she leant up, glancing a kiss over the liaison's lips, before pulling back. JJ sniffed softly, before a small smile graced her lips.

"I'm so sorry."

JJ whispered, leaning down and pulling Emily to a deeper kiss. All the emotions of the last couple of weeks being poured in to the kiss, and the brunette could taste the salty tears. Leaning back, JJ reached down and leaned her forehead against the profilers.

"We have things to work on, we both know that. But I can't live without you, and I don't ever want to be away from you again."

Emily stated firmly, and JJ nodded. Just as she was about to kiss the blonde again, she caught another body in the corner of her eye. Turning her head, she was met with the sight of Henry, with a massive grin on his face.

"Mommy, are you coming home?"

Henry asked softly, and Emily turned to JJ who smiled gently, and taking that as a yes she gestured for Henry to come to her. He ran forward, running into her arms.

"I'm coming home buddy."

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**Reviews make my world go round! Would love to know what you think :)**


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